Unlucky Girl September 24, 2008

so after my wonderful surprise party and super fun dancing, i woke up the next morning at noon, dizzy!!  oh fuck, my vertigo was back.  for those of you who don’t know, i have vertigo problems.  in the states, the ENT had told me that i had symptoms of 3 possible conditions:  1) benign paroxysmal positional vertigo (BPPV), 2) Meniere’s disease, or 3) inner ear infections.  it doesn’t really matter what it is because there’s not much they can do to treat it or prevent it.  the outcome is always the same – incredible dizziness, loss of balance (i have the hardest time walking), nausea from the dizziness, and if it’s really bad, vomiting from the combination of nausea and dizziness.  fun.

so, once again, i was on my way to the hospital, only this time i was on my way to a hospital in Seoul not knowing any Korean.  this is why everybody should support language access in health care because it fucking sucks when you’re sick and you can’t communicate with a doctor.  my 2 other kyopo friends from work who are bilingual weren’t around, so z ended up taking me.  

besides the language barrier, the hospital looks like any hospital in the US.  actually, it’s probably better than a lot of hospitals in the US because they were actually able to find an English speaking doctor to look at me (i think it would be a lot more difficult the other way around – to find a Korean speaking doctor in the US), the bill was really low, and they actually performed a maneuver to try to get rid of my vertigo, rather than just sending me home with drugs.  

so yeah, they basically diagnosed me with BPPV and even though her English was quite limited, i knew exactly what the doctor was talking about because i’ve done so much research on my condition (www.webmd.com is a great site).  she performed the Epley maneuver on me, which is basically tilting your head and body in different directions to try to move the particle into another part of the inner ear where it won’t disrupt my balance and cause dizziness.  probably more than you ever wanted to know, but as my friend says, sharing is caring.

there were 2 pretty funny moments that even in my deliriously nauseous state, i had to laugh.  one moment was seeing a blanket that had been stolen from Korean Air (you know, those blankets you get on airlines) on one of the gurneys.  how do i know?  because my friend has a stolen one too so i know the print.  the other funny moment was when they gave me an IV (my first!) so my left arm has a needle and a bunch of tape/bandages to hold it in place and you can see the two stamps that i got from clubbing the night before.  

that first night after getting back from the hospital, i slept 18 hours.  whoah, i was either really tired or it was some strong valium.  then monday, i got to go back and get hooked up to these eye goggles that measure your eye movements to see how dizzy you are.  they did the epley again, and then told me to not move my head to the side or up or down.  it’s actually pretty hard to do.  every once in a while i would forget, and then i would remember since this wave of queasiness would wash over me.  

it’s day 4 now, and things are starting to feel normal again.  at least until my inner ears decide to malfunction again…

Lucky Girl September 24, 2008

i have to admit i was a little (okay, maybe a lot) bummed that i didn’t get a chance to celebrate my birthday in my usual style where i get all my friends together.  i was going to pull together something for the following weekend, but it seemed like everybody was busy/not interested.  in other words, as i’m sure most of us have felt at one time or another, the world had moved on and couldn’t care less about my petty needs.  

despite the temporary feeling of neglect, a 34 year old must be mature enough to move on (am i really 34?  how did that happen?).  i had some really fun plans set for that Friday night – dinner with a friend and then hip hop dancing in Hongdae (really, really fun neighborhood that inspires either love or hate among people).  all was right with the world once again…

friday afternoon, z comes into my classroom (yes i don’t work in an “office” anymore) and tells me that he really needs “to talk”.  he asks me to cancel my dinner plans because he has to talk to me right away about something serious.  z says my face expressed this look of horror – all i kept thinking was “fuck, what is this about now?”  

after work, i’m just dreading whatever post-relationship talk we need to have.  uggh, those are never fun.  we’re walking towards his place and i keep trying to probe to get a sense of what to expect.  is he mad at me?  is he dating somebody new?  what??  he just keeps saying that he wants to sit down before we talk.

he had left his umbrella at Ho Lee Chow (a really good chinese food place despite the awful name) at lunch so we walk there to retrieve it.  suddenly, as we’re walking through the restaurant, i realize that there’s a whole table of people i know.  and then, because I’m slow and not expecting it, i start to realize that they’re all there for my BIRTHDAY as everyone’s yelling SURPRISE!  every teacher from work somehow managed to slip out after work and get there before us (z took me the long way in a circuitous route).  being my non-eloquent self, all i could say was “i’m so embarrassed.”  but, obviously, i was all these other happy emotions too.  they were so happy that i was surprised…it’s a pretty hard thing to do when all 15 people work with me and i see them on a daily basis.  

they filled me in all the background planning – the hiding in different classrooms to figure stuff out, the trip to the bakery to pick out the girliest pink cake they could find, the brainstorm of possible excuses to get me there (that’s where the “i need to talk” scenario was generated).  

what can i say?  it was one of the sweetest things that somebody has done for me.  i have been so, so lucky to have such special friends, no matter where i am in the world.  this year, it was especially significant since there were moments where it was so hard to be somewhere different.  hopefully soon, i’ll be posting a page about all my friends in Seoul so all those at home can see the family that i’ve made here.

then, it was time for cake – a really, really girly cake with pink frosting and white whipped cream and a ribbon around it.  strawberry tiramisu.  yummy!  then, off for chilling in the park with our drinks of choice and dancing in hongdae until 5 in the morning.  

i’m a very lucky girl.

Going Under the Knife September 18, 2008

In a previous post, I talked about how my new residence is right in the middle of the plastic surgery capital of the world.  I had no idea prior to coming here that just about anything you’d want to do to your body is so incredibly common here.  Just the other night, I found out a whole lot more as I kicked it with a few kyopos (term for Korean Americans) who work in the beautification business.  their company sells dermal fillers (it’s like botox) that’s used to smooth wrinkles, fill out sunken cheeks, and plump up your lips.  Korea is the number one market in Asia, and they easily make over half to three-quarters of their business here.

why is it so popular in South Korea?  nobody can really tell me why except that it’s become so acceptable that parents not only approve, but also encourage their daughters to get procedures done.  a Times article said that surgeons estimate that at least one in 10 Korean adults have had something done. I’ve heard that it is really common for high school girls to get plastic surgery as a graduation gift.  I’ve also heard that because the culture is so competitive, parents actually fear that if their kids don’t look good, they could be losing out on opportunities.  guys aren’t immune from this beauty standard, but it’s obviously much more prevalent among women.

as someone who has always been into looking natural, this whole phenomenon is so fascinating to me.  it’s just so wrong that the ideal of beauty is so incredibly focused on a Western ideal, including the double eyelids and pale skin.  i much prefer the variety that humans come in.  read this article (i think it was done a few years ago) for an interesting summary of the issue:

http://www.time.com/time/asia/covers/1101020805/story.html

In the story, they actually mention my neighborhood – they spell it Apkujong – and the busy avenue named “Plastic Surgery Street.” Here are some photos to capture the blatant ads for plastic surgery everywhere, including the subway station.  I hope to get photos of the women I see walking around with bandaged noses or eyes.

this poor woman features prominently in two ads in the subway, both showing her before and after looks:

 

then, there are a million other ads with all these male doctors touting the benefits of plastic surgery…

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here they all are lining the steps down into the subway:

pretty crazy!

Happy Chuseok2 September 14, 2008

in a very cool way to celebrate chuseok, my friend annie invited a bunch of “homeless” people to a chuseok party at her apartment.  then, she took us to a performance at the Seoul Arts Center that celebrated chuseok.  she was so great in making everyone feel so comfortable, and i felt like i got to experience chuseok, even though i don’t have family here.

 

 

the performance was really amazing, with lots of folk songs and dancing.  here are some pictures:

 

the first dance (Gyeongpungnyeon) with the women in the bright colored costumes was one that was performed at the court feast for chuseok.  the second picture is of some real farmers (not professional actors) singing a folk song (Pocheon Menari) and performing a play about farming – it’s a lot of backbreaking work!  the last picture is of an awesome dance (my favorite – Ganggangsulae) where all the women move so quickly to a really melodic folk song and they look like they’re gliding on stage.  the photo shows one part where one woman walks across the backs of everyone else.  how cool it is to learn some of the traditions of the moon festival!

Happy Chuseok! September 14, 2008

Today is Chuseok, Korea’s Moon Festival. Massive numbers of people have fled Seoul to go home and pay respects to their ancestors.  Yesterday, when I finally ventured out into the emptiness, the usually crowded streets of Seoul was eerily quiet, as many of the stores are boarded up, and the neighborhood alleyways were free of scooters, cars, and pedestrians.  

Today also happens to be my birthday.  I now know what all those kids with birthdays on Christmas, Thanksgiving, Leap Year, etc felt like.  Although I like to joke that all of Korea is celebrating my birthday, it really isn’t fun when nothing is open and most people are gone.  I am lucky though that I have friends who like to stay up late in bars (specifically a place called Mafia), as I got a nice birthday cake surprise and several yummy shots at midnight, before everyone had to head out to Chuseok activities today.

I had a friend who at some point decided to only celebrate what she called “the really important birthdays” – those that end in a 5 or 0.  I don’t really subscribe to this philosophy because i really like cake and presents, but more importantly, 34 represents an opportunity for me to sprint and leap past all the things that sucked in the past year.  

So, in the spirit of moving on and keeping it real, here are the things i learned this past year:

- love isn’t enough.  i ended two very important things this past year, a relationship and my decade-long work in public policy.  i was passionate for the cause, but felt totally ineffective.  similarly, i loved my partner, but the two of us together just didn’t work.  the reality is that there needs to be more.

- i need to care less about what people think.  i was told that people think that i’m difficult to date.  OUCH, that hurt.  maybe shy, maybe cautious, maybe hard to get to know, but difficult?  i don’t want to care what you think.

- there is no asian american movement, but maybe the 2nd gen will change that.  i’m told that because i’m chinese, then i can’t possibly care about other ethnic groups.  again, i need to stop caring what people think.

- anti-intelligence is alive and well in the U.S (why is intelligence equated with elitism?).  as a know-it-all, i want to learn things and i hope my leaders would too.  there is nothing wrong with wanting to know things.

- i need to go dancing more.  i definitely don’t care what people think about my dancing.

on that optimistic note, i’m looking forward to a really fabulous year of being 34!

Sharing House September 2, 2008

“We must record these things that were forced upon us. – Hak-soon Kim”

this quote captures the essence of the Sharing House.  i went to the Sharing House this past weekend.  luckily through the small progressive community network, i found out about English tours that are conducted there.  the Sharing House was established around 1992, originally in Seoul, and then moved to its outskirts a few years later.  it’s a place for the halmoni (korean word for grandmother that is used instead of the euphemistic term comfort women) to find a support system and to publicize the truth about the issue, both domestically and internationally.

Largely due to some vocal members, NAPAWF supported a lot of the advocacy in the US on the issue.  I was fortunate to have had the opportunity to learn about the issue from these members.  But just like all my policy work, all the academic knowledge about the issue couldn’t give me the emotional preparation for hearing a halmoni speak about it first-hand.

there are seven halmonis who currently live at the Sharing House.  sadly, many of the women are reaching old age and dying.  despite their weekly protests in front of the japanese embassy every wednesday at noon, many in society have forgotten about them, relegating them to old history, or some who would like to revise history to completely purge their stories.  we had the privilege of talking with one halmoni, who had been kidnapped at 15 to work in a japanese military air field and then transferred to a “comfort station.”  like any person who has undergone a traumatic experience, she described a lot of details as to what happened in her life before the experience, and then talked a lot about what is important to her life now, like her grandson.  the whole time she told her story though, i kept hearing echoes of other people who had undergone traumatic experiences.  whether it is the terror of hiroshima a-bomb survivors, turkish immigrants in neo-nazi germany, genocide victims in rwanda, it is incredible both how cruel humans can be and how humans can survive these horrific events.  

it was also overwhelming to hear about the great suffering and to once again, feel completely powerless to achieve justice.  the halmonis have been demanding so little for so long, yet they still have not achieved a true, sincere apology from the japanese government.  instead, more koreans seem to be more impassioned over some barely inhabitable rocks in the sea, than real-life people living among them.  (see this link for more information about the Dokdo Islands debate:  http://www.iht.com/articles/2008/08/28/asia/island.php?pass=true).  Even Dunkin Donuts sells t-shirts about Dokdo (they read:  Do you Know?  Dokdo Belongs to Korea).  Can you believe it?  Dunkin Donuts is engaged in a political campaign for these islands!  But, sadly, where is the support and advocacy for the halmonis?

once again, i feel powerless and i do not understand.