everyone knows that i absolutely adore reading. ever since i was a shy, quiet, socially awkward kid, i’ve been devouring books. when i was younger, books were my lifeline to a world very different from my reality. now, they tend to give me insight that allows me to better reflect on the world around me.
it was sad when i found out the library in Seoul does not carry many English language books (i was hoping maybe it would since so many people are trying to learn English here). then, i got a huge stash of trashy magazines from a fellow teacher who moved back to the U.S. the mind-numbing material came coincidentally right after the break-up, so i got to nurse my pain while reading about britney’s downward spiral, ”who wore it best?”, and “stars are just like us”.
luckily, i was saved from the literary equivalent of hell. inexplicably, i showed up at work one day, and there was Another Country by James Baldwin in my mailbox. all these months later, and i still have no idea who the book fairy was.
James Baldwin writes the way I want to write, with courage, passion, and fire. He tackled issues of race, gender, and homosexuality by exposing all the self-hatred, prejudices, fear, and love that people have for each other. i don’t think i could never be a character in james baldwin’s novels because he requires so much honesty, raw emotions, and vulnerability from them. as i was reading the novel, there were so many instances where i was riveted by the words (he has excellent word choice) and the intensity of feeling. the plot was secondary – the whole book was about feeling their pain. it got to a point where i could not read the book every day because it was just too much.
i’ve come to realize that i’m a much more private person than i ever thought. i’m super open about things that others would find embarrassing, silly, or ridiculous, but, when it comes to my true raw emotions, it is very rare that i expose them to the public. i think i’ve always dealt with personal feelings as if i were at work – never cry or show emotion in front of anybody – even if you’re talking about people who’ve been forced into prostitution for years, people who aren’t going to live without food, people who are struggling to survive, etc. i always knew that people could be tremendously flawed and still be incredibly loved, but i think i’ve always struggled showing that about myself.
ironically, this blog has become my most public display of my personal thoughts. well, thankfully, it’s not really that public since there are only about 10 people who actually read my posts…which brings me to the second book that i’ve read here. my fabulous friend Janice left Seoul in early September (sadness!), but she left me a copy of Eat Pray Love. the book’s author set off to live in Italy, India, and Indonesia for a year after a terrible divorce. she wanted to experience pleasure (eating her way through Italy), devotion (staying at a temple in India), and then finding the balance of the two (finding love again in Indonesia). the book had a lot of resonance, with the theme of finding your purpose in life and figuring out who the hell you’re supposed to be, and it especially inspired me to go to italy for an extended stay. most importantly, the book showed me how my own writing could be improved. although it was on the new york times bestseller list for weeks, the book is essentially a travel blog – some funny stories, a lot of personal reflection, and a description of the food and cultures. it was really well-written, where you could really experience all the emotions and laugh at the bizarre things in life. so, take heart readers, i now have something to strive for – a new level of wittiness that will hopefully translate into a bestselling book deal and a trip to italy where i won’t need to work and can eat gelato 3 times a day.
